But you’ll never know you had a chance if you never take a chance
Honestly, life is a ton of luck. You have the right timing, the right project, the right idea, the person interviewing/reviewing your application was in a good mood…and then you get it.
Yes, planning is a big part of it. Writing the right papers. Getting the perfect PhD advisor (for you, see previous post). The list goes on. All you can control is the fact that you tried.
My fellowship rejection story:
I applied for NSF. Twice. I was in that optimum period of time (I hope you read that as lucky) that I was grandfathered into the old system. The old system that let you try as a first-year and then again as a second-year. The first-year, I did really well. I got an Honorable Mention (and you can bet that’s on my CV). I had a ton of help from previous winners and it was my first time writing a fellowship application. My undergrad institution wasn’t a powerhouse R1 institution with publications coming out of the wazoo. My only publication pre-gradschool was from an REU (research experience for undergraduates) opportunity and I was co-first author. But it had just been submitted when I was applying. And that’s what one of my reviewer’s said:
She presented her work at several conferences and co-authored a manuscript that is currently under review. However, there are no publications listed, apart from conference proceedings.REVIEWER #3
The same reviewer also called me “naive” for thinking I could use the technique I was to develop to impact my interest in understanding Alzheimer’s disease. A rude word, but the reviewer gave me a “Very Good” for my Intellectual merit, even though I didn’t seem to meet their high expectations.
All Reviewers gave me “Excellent” ratings, except for the one “Very Good.” The truth is there are so many people who are also awesome applying for the same fellowship. So it’s hard to actually get the fellowship. But I thought, and so did everyone else, that I would have a way better chance next year.
Oh boy was I dead wrong.
Fast-forward and I apply again for NSF. My project completely changed into something that was so much easier to motivate. It was something people understood the value of. I didn’t really change my personal narrative because it was really strong and I just added more activities I had done in the last year.
However, my luck with reviewers wasn’t so great. They HATED my proposal and thought it was super narrow and that I didn’t expand the system enough. I’m pretty sure I was the bottom of the pile for Reviewer #1 because nothing in their comments could even help me write a better proposal. Reviewer #2 actually really liked my proposal (maybe the first time in the history of Reviewer #2 being positive). Reviewer #3 thought that my broader impacts were trash, but the intellectual merit was solid. It was a mixed bag.
This same year, I applied for NDSEG. And I applied the year that it was the old way of a one-page proposal and personal statement (read lucky again). It was rough writing it because it was so short. And you get no feedback whatsoever, so everyone is shooting in the dark. I had the same idea. The same interests. The Department of Defense, at least at that time, couldn’t care less about broader impacts, but you still had to tell a story about why you were in gradschool and how you were going to make super-soldiers. In a page. If you’ve read my “about the author” you read that I am an NDSEG fellow. I was awarded it that year. And I have no idea why. Especially if you look at the reviews I got from NSF.
Reviewers are a mixed bag and you won’t always get lucky, but you won’t always get unlucky either
Final thoughts
I’m not saying that you should just get over it. You are allowed to mourn, but don’t let it completely ruin your outlook. NDSEG absolutely was a blessing for me, but I looked at it as a, “Well, it would be cool if I got it, but I still get to do my research anyways if I don’t.” Dealing with rejection isn’t just for fellowships, but it’s one of the common moments most of us graduate students experience.
I am from a town in the middle of nowhere. And everyone expects me to be this crazy smart, successful, and, most importantly, never failing person. I applied to 11 MD/PhD programs. I was rejected from every MD/PhD program. No interviews. Many times no rejection letter at all. I felt like a disappointment and a failure for so long. At the same time, I had also applied for 1 accelerated teaching fellowship and 1 pure PhD program. I was awarded the Woodrow Wilson teaching fellowship and I also was accepted at Rice University to get my PhD in Applied Physics. All I really wanted to do was research, so I chose the PhD program. Rice is where I belong and my life plan didn’t work out in that moment and I’m better for it.
I am not a failure or a disappointment. I’m a human being and the world is a crazy place that doesn’t guarantee anything. All I can do is try. Same goes for you.